His ways are not our ways.

I never claimed to be a good blogger and I am holding to that. I do realize that my last blog post was almost two years ago. For the sake of today's post, we are just going to gloss right over that fact and pretend that it is normal for bloggers to go two years without posting anything.
Let me get you caught up. We jumped right into position #4 on the waiting list for a child in Uganda. And there we sat for a year and a half. At long last, on June 3, we received that phone call we weren't sure would ever come. We were elated and accepted a referral for a precious baby boy who was, at the time, around 6 months old. We then launched "Project Prepare for Baby Brother" in our home. We painted the nursery, sorted clothes, coached Calvin on his important duties as an older brother. We updated our paperwork, got shots and over seas medication, and shopped around for the best price on a plane ticket to Uganda.
Then came another call. I answered the phone certain that we were about to receive that highly anticipated court date. "I don't know how to tell you this..." said the voice on the line. My heart just dropped. It's becoming a familiar feeling. I felt it the first time staring at an ultrasound with no heartbeat. Then again last February when we miscarried for a third time. And now on the phone with our caseworker as she told me that after almost a year of no contact in the orphanage, our baby's birth family showed up and took him back.
Just like that the sweet little brown face, whose picture I have stared at for hours, is no longer "my son." The child who had his adopted name on the wall of his freshly painted room, who has been prayed for, longed for, waited on for years, is no longer coming home. We are once again grieving.
This news would be more bearable if we knew that Timothy was going home to a family where he will be loved and cared for. Based on what we know of his story, this is not likely the case. He is re-entering a life of poverty, hardship, and want.
Please pray with us as we daily, moment by moment, battle to believe that God's plan for our family is perfect, God's plan for Baby Timothy is perfect, and that His plan to give him to us and then take him away again, is also perfect. Please pray as we shepherd our son through his grief while glorifying God through ours.

"He keeps him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on Him, because he trusts in Him."  Is.26:3

Uganda? You meant to say Ethiopia. Wait... What?

My Dear Brother and Friend Pastor Kevin,  I pray that the Lord has kept you well.  Since 2003, we have been taking care of children from ages 3 and above at Destiny Villages of Hope but in 2008; the Lord convicted me to start rescuing abandoned babies. This conviction became a dream when a certain woman damped her baby opposite to my office one night. She was more than convinced that I would take the baby into my care. Unfortunately, by the time I arrived at my office; the baby was already dead. This increased my desire to see to it that this dream comes to pass and the burden concerning Abandoned babies became so great. But today, I have awesome news for you!  It is with great pleasure that I write to inform you that Simba Wa Yuda a swahili name which means the "Lion of Judah" Babies Home has finally been birthed at Destiny Campus. On 10/17/2011, we took some babies into our care by the grace of God.   We thank God who has caused this dream to become a reality. We sincerely appreciate you for standing with us in every way. The work is challenging but in all things, The Lord is Faithful and we believe that He will bring us to higher heights concerning this new project. Please continue to pray with us as we take on this exciting adventure. We love you so much and we thank you for being our friends.  Blessings, John Michael. This is a letter from Bishop John Michael in Uganda. He is writing to inform a friend of a friend of the opening of an infant orphanage in Uganda. What does this have to do with our Ethiopian adoption? Nothing. It has everything to do, however, with our Ugandan adoption.  The last couple of months have had us on our knees asking our Father "what nowt?" When we found out we were expecting, everything seemed so clear. We would have another biological child and then complete our Ethiopian adoption when things started moving again. Then we lost the baby.  Two weeks after our bad news, Brandon got a call from a friend. He told us about a pastor in Fort Collins who had a connection with an orphanage in Uganda. Through a series of sovereign events, we connected with Pastor Kevin who then connected us with Nightlight Christian Adoption. After much prayer and counsel, we have decided to pursue a second adoption from Uganda. We believe that this adoption will happen quickly. We are scrambling to get our home study updated and complete our Ugandan dossier. Lord willing, we will bring a baby home early next year.  Are we crazy? Can we afford this? Do we really want to pursue two international adoptions? We ask ourselves these questions every day. We don't know the answers, but we do know that God is sovereign and He has brought us down this path. He has a plan and He knows what it is!

He Gives and Takes Away, Blessed be His name!

Psalm 139:13-16 "For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was not one of them.

I have heard so many people take this beautiful Psalm and use it to glorify the creation. And while it is true, we are wonderfully and fearfully made, the beauty of this passage is in the glory of the Creator, not the creation. When we think of the intimacy and knowledge our creator has with every part of us, His creation, we should drop to our knees and worship the God of the universe who "intricately wove us in the depths of the Universe!" Our hearts have been comforted by this and many other truths pouring from friends and family as reminders that the Creator of Life is sovereign, good, and is in full control of every heartbeat.

Our first scheduled ultrasound this past Thursday came with a devastating blow. No heartbeat. Nobody saw this coming except for the One who wrote the number of the days of our child when as yet there was not one of them. We are heartbroken. Yet we cling to the truth that His ways are higher than ours. He is at work in our lives and we consider it a privilege to walk through this fire. We pray that we emerge on the other side as a more brilliant reflection of our Lord Jesus Christ.

We are overwhelmed by the love and support of dear Christian friends. Thank you for helping us keep our eyes focused on Christ, the author and finisher of our faith. We covet your prayers as we walk through this dark time. Our prayer is that even through this tragedy, you and I will be more compelled to cling to the Gospel of Christ, and to the promise that He will one day redeem this fallen world and everything will be made right. Until that day, Blessed be His name.

Nobody Saw this Coming!

For those of you who were hoping that I was going to post an update on the 25th of every month while we wait, I hope you are not too disappointed. It is not for lack of excitement that I have not posted. There have been a lot of changes and a lot twists and turns over the past few months. So here's the news.

Shortly after my last update, things in Ethiopia hit a major slow down. To put it in a nutshell there have been some political "issues" taking place with in MOWCYA (Ministry of Women's, Children, and Youth Affairs). Where it was rumored that there would be a possible slowdown in the past, MOWCYA confirmed this as definite truth.

Due to the significant increase in wait times, America World changed one of their policies regarding concurrent family building. Previously, if we had become pregnant during the waiting period, we would have been removed from the Ethiopia program. This policy was in place to protect adopted children from coming into a home where the family was not quite ready to give 100% during those crucial, early days of adoption. Because of this policy, we were beginning to think that we might be waiting years rather than months before our next child. So, needless to say, we were thrilled when they changed this policy to allow for concurrent family growth while we wait for our adoption!

This opened up two options for us. We considered pursuing another domestic adoption and were also excited about the possibility of having another biological child. We decided to "put it in the Lord's hands" humanly speaking (it always has been and always will be there anyway). He answered our prayers immediately and we are excited to announce that we are expected a baby around the 25th of February. Our hearts our filled with joy toward the creator of life. He has known from the beginning of this journey what this would look like for us. Nothing has been a surprise to Him.

*** On a side note, I have many sweet sisters in Christ who I pray for by name on a regular basis who desire so much to blessed with a child. For whatever reason, the Sovereign God has made that dream an abundant reality for me in more ways than one. As I celebrate and rejoice over this new life that has been created in me, I also fall to my knees and pray the same for you. I pray that He would bless each one of you with the gift of children, whether through adoption or birth. And I pray that your joy would be made complete in Him. He has a beautiful plan for you, and whatever it is, it will bring Him ALL the glory! He is good.

One month down!

Well, so far so good. We have been waiting for one month! Fortunately it has been a very busy month. No sitting around, twirling our thumbs, wondering when we will get that call. We celebrated my brother's wedding and Calvin's 2nd birthday. We also had a week of sickness where we all caught "it." So this month has flown by!

We are celebrating with our good friends Matt and Brianne as they passed court last week! I am including a link to their blog because the story and pictures are so precious!!! http://koppweb.com/2011/04/23/hes-ours/

This coming month we are going to really focus on our fundraising. We have tons of coffee to sell! We are grateful to everyone who has already supported us financially and through prayer. Keep it up!

We don't know when we will receive that much anticipated phone call, but we are one month closer!

DTE

It is such a freeing feeling to have completed everything on our end and pass the baton on to the next person. Our dossier spent two weeks in D.C. getting final approval from our caseworker at AWAA, and then being authenticated and certified in the Ethiopian Embassy. It left the US in the hands of a courier on Friday, March 25. This is our DTE (Dossier to Ethiopia). So, now we wait. March 25, 2011 is day one. We trust the Lord knows how many days, months, years (?) we have to go.

The Roller Coaster

Please keep your hands and arms inside the ride at all times. This past week we have gone back and forth on what to do about our dossier. If it is going to be years before we get a referral, then perhaps we should put this on hold, have another bio child and pick things back up in a few years. This was sounding pretty good to me because I have the baby bug! However, I am grateful for the women in my life who have more faith than I and who were fearless to speak truth into my life this week. They reminded me that Lord has clearly walked us down this path to this point, and He is FAITHFUL! We don't know what the future holds... but we know who holds the future! Silly, I know. But true.

Well folks, we have submitted the dossier! The situation in Ethiopia is still somewhat dire and could potentially add many months or even years to our wait. However, we have decided to put our family's future into the capable hands of our God. We mailed the package on Monday and it will be Ethiopia bound by Friday, March 25! If we weren't committed before, we are now!

Thank you for all your prayers as we have labored with this decision. Our biggest desire is that we glorify the Lord through this process, and you have helped us to keep our eyes focused on Him as we wrestled with uncertainty... you know who you are (wink).